Its weird when before the old year ends, you know the challenges the new year will bring. When my local Rising Tide leader asked in our FB group what our word for 2018 was, I was stumped. I watched as comments came in for days and still couldn't come with a word that I wanted to live by in 2018.
That was December 30th, and two weeks into the new year I was still searching for a word.
A week or two ago the owner of Fearless and Framed posted in her photography group. In the post she asked a question.
"Why do you pick up your camera?"
Pause. Good question.
He grabs my hand as we head upstairs to see if he put the books on the bookshelf like I asked. He gives me causal a kiss on the back of my hand as we climb the stairs. He's my affectionate child. With all my might I push down the question I have been asking him all year.
I was being watched. I could feel it. Some times it was so subtle that I felt I was just by chance in their line of sight. A casual 'hi' as I passed by. Looking me directly in the eye when I asked a question.
But other times, the pullof their grazes was so strong, I had to learn to no turn and seek them out. The glances would make my heart beat fast and made me want to run for cover.
During busy season I live with a camera in my hand 90% of the time. And when it really gets busy I have struggled with balancing managing my business, being present with my family and maintaining my own self-care to keep my creative eye refreshed. To keep my life some what sane I would inevitably, put my camera up on a shelf when I got home.
That meant I stopped photographing my boys for rough for 7-8 months of the year.
I struggle. With a lot of things really. But I would say as a work form home mom, I struggle with cooking.
Ok. That's a lie. I am a decent cook. I struggle with meal planning. But my one New Year's resolution this year was to start cooking for the family more. Easy right?
Photography is an art form. It's very subjective. But at its root is storytelling. There are times where I, the photographer, am in full control of what that story is, but the majority of the time the story comes directly from my clients lives, personalities, likes and dislikes, feelings toward the person or subjects I am photographing.
2016. You were a year. And most years I would do my typical recap of my year showing my best of the best photos of 2016. And maybe eventually, I'll do that. But this year I want just want to show memories that filled me with gratitude, that kept me motivated and ultimately kept me centered.
Yep, that's right, you didn't misread the title to this blog. I, your photographer, will not ask your kids to smile. I know it sounds like I am going to fail at capturing your family moments, but trust me, I won't. Because here is what I will do.
I was shaking. In my arms laid a four pound wonder. My husband's forehead was on mine. We had made it through a trial we hadn't planned for.
And all I wanted was my mom.